shoutout to the horny motherfuckers at spotify for this one
they were like “hey guys we need an artist photo for famous composer and conductor leonard bernstein (1918-1990). there’s tons of professional photos of him especially in his later years so lets just-” and then Gay Dave from accounting who already had “leonard bernstein shirtless” open in three different tabs was like “actually i’ve got one already, don’t worry”
I was a professional juggler for like five years and all of my friends politely pretend it never happened.
Sometimes I will be holding three or more similarly sized objects and they will all shoot me the kind of warning glances typically reserved for cats who are about to swipe a fresh and crispy fish stick from a small child’s hand.
I gaze wistfully at a basket of apples and they all think, “Don’t you FUCKING dare,” so hard that I take psychic damage.
TRIPLESIXFIVEFORKEDTONGUE SUBATOMIC PENETRATION RAPID FIRE THROUGH YOUR SKULL HOW I SHOT IT ON ONE TAKING IT BACK TO THE DAYS OF TRYING TO LOSE CONTROL SWERVING IN A BLAZE OF FIRE RAGING THROUGH MY BONES OH SHIT I’M FEELIN IT TAKYOOON HELLYEAHFUCKYEAHIFEELLIKEKILLINITTAKYOOON
